Deface Value

I have no consistency. But for the opposite reason of wanting to fit in, or by the definition of fitting in to see myself as more comfortable, more comfortable as having less distraction from what I wish not to be distracted by, what I see as needless... am I thus not the same? I, who search to rid the world of superfluous necessities and superficialities? The necessity to be satisfied too easily found as met? Well, had I not found my own satisfaction in revealing this “shortcoming” to others? A shortcoming so determined by my idea of progression so defined as pursuit of “higher” satisfaction? Well, if satisfaction is so valued, then to have it at all, even if not in its “purest,” is to be valued over not having it. I have lost satisfaction, or rather I have lost hope of attaining it. Perhaps I have tangled myself into this state, as satisfaction, progression, and “best” are intertwined (satisfaction [implied dissatisfaction as a drive] --> progression [repeated perhaps to eternity] --> that best) and the only concrete with which I have to work is satisfaction, as best cannot be known (how would I know it is not mere satisfaction in being where one believes best to be?) and progression could not be the height as its own essence exists to bring something higher {although... I am now intrigued... I would like to believe my state of infinite progression, with only point stops at satisfaction (I* don’t identify with the self that find satisfaction at this time,) to be the height, and this idea that the actual act could be the height... I think not, though my faculties do not allow me to elaborate at this time, except that something must be progressed for that progression to be of worth, not the person, for the person then needs a goal, and that “best” is the reoccurring dearth, as it cannot be defined, but it is needed to give value to satisfaction, a value relative to its ultimate but undefined (undefinable?) self,} so satisfaction here is that flat meeting ground of a standard: the goal, but chosen as such with dissatisfaction (both in the choice and as maintained from prior existence,) so that my decided upon currency entails that I am broke. The phenomenon may also be metaphorically described by satisfaction as a coin** increasing in value, due to the the unidirectional nature of progression, towards the highest possible worth of that coin. The coin must thus be valued, for what else have we, and does the value matter it we know that something can be had? Perhaps the latter was not a helpful metaphor, because the coin of satisfaction cannot be held in its own progression; a transformation of the actual coin must occur, though maybe if we have disregarded progression and the best no change can occur, as it becomes relative only to itself... how could such a thing be valued?


*italics here implicit of the presently identified I in the metacognitive state and under secondary {e.e.?} volition

**i have decided to coin the term “coin” as an essence which has value, not commensurate with other values, but has rather been chosen by default as its related states cannot be defined (thus no price can be designated), and is therefore decided upon as having worth, or worth being pursued, the level of its worth not considered or able to be considered